February E-News

In this issue:
Communication Tip:People Need to Be Heard
Parenting Tip: Kids' Needs Matter
Upcoming Events: Daytime Compassionate Communication Group starts this Friday,
Giraffes Family and Friends Potluck, and more...
Communication Coaching Free

Communication Tip: People Need to Be Heard
When we don't agree with what a person is saying, the common practice is to tell them what we think, and why. This approach disconnects us emotionally from the other person. Or we remain silent, while our body language conveys the same disconnection. I invite you to be fully present to a person who is saying something you don't like. Listen for the basic human needs behind the words in order to discover something you can value and connect to. Check out whether you have guessed right. "When you say you want to lock your son in his room on weekends, I'm guessing you really need reassurance that he will be safe." You don't have to agree with their strategies to appreciate their needs! When someone knows their needs have been fully heard, they often become less attached to one strategy for meeting those needs. They may be willing to hear and consider a strategy you like better. People don't need to get their way, or your agreement. They do need to be heard.

Parenting Tip: Kids' Needs Matter
Our culture often dismisses the needs of kids. Kids' needs vary according to age, temperament, and situation. Here are some to keep in mind. Young children need to move, explore and express themselves, not to sit still, be quiet, or stay neat for more than short periods of time. Does our adult need for peace, quiet and order always outweigh their needs? They are learning to regulate their emotions and impulses. They need understanding and support in that process instead of judgments when their regulation is not what we'd like.

Teens have been described as "adults, only with less experience." They need practice and support in decision-making, negotiating agreements, and managing their daily lives. They also need space (physical or emotional) away from their parents sometimes, to ponder and test out their evolving identity. All children need affection, play, trust, and understanding. Kids need to know that their needs matter, by our words and actions.

Upcoming Events with Terry

In Irvine: Giraffes, Family and Friends Potluck. Saturday February 16, 5p.m.-? Scott, Mark and I invite you to our home for food, conversation and celebration. You are welcome to bring family and friends. Partners can compare notes with Scott about the perils of living with a giraffe, and you can ask Mark about his favorite quotes from Marshall. Requested contribution of a tasty dish! RSVP (noting any dietary requests) to 949-400-3379, or email me.

In Corona del Mar: Compassionate Communication Practice Group. This 6 week series, Fridays 11:30-1:30, will start this Friday, Feb. 8. At Community Congregational Church, 611 Heliotrope. (more info.) Requested contribution of $10 per session. RSVP at 949-400-3379, or email me.

In Anaheim (ongoing): Compassionate Communication Practice Group. Meets first and third Thursdays 7-9 p.m. at the Unitarian Universalist Church in Anaheim, 511 S. Harbor Blvd. at Santa Ana Street. Next meeting is Feb. 7. This group is social action oriented. Donation basis. For more information, call me at 949-400-3379 or email me.

Try a little coaching, it's free and fun: I enjoy offering 30 minutes private communication coaching to anyone, and an hour to those who have participated in a practice group. Call 949-400-3379, or email me for an appointment.

Other Nonviolent Communication Learning Opportunities:

In Costa Mesa: An 8-week practice group led by Upgeya Pew, starting Thursday February 14, 7-9 pm. Contact Upgeya at 949-646-1011 or email him.

In Pasadena: Having the Relationship You Want on Saturday February 16, 9-5; The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, Sat. March 8, 9-5. Sliding fee. Pre-registration requested. Led by Rodger Sorrow and Kathi Aichner; meeting at the Church of Truth. For more information see www.communicationfromtheheart.com.

Compassionate Leadership 2008: Starts Feb. 29. An 8-month program to provide experience using and sharing Nonviolent Communication (intermediate and advanced level learning opportunities) in the areas of personal, relational, leadership, organizational development, life-enriching systemic change, and a supportive community. See http://compassionateleadership.squarespace.com

In Long Beach (ongoing): Nonviolent Communication Practice Group: At First Congregational Church UCC, 241 Cedar Ave at 3rd Street. This opgoing practice group meets second and fourth Wednesdays, 7-9 pm. Quiet meditation for gathering starts at 6:30. Donation basis. If you are interested, contact Bob Kalayjian at 562-754-5334 or email Bob.

When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision,
then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.
- Audre Lord

Terry LePage
Open Door Communication
info@opendoorcommunication.org
www.OpenDoorCommunication.org
949-400-3379

Mission of Open Door Communication
To share Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and related life-serving tools with people from all walks of life in Southern California by:

Offering NVC workshops, mediation, and coaching.
Establishing practice groups and mentoring NVC resource people to multiply impact.
Facilitating supportive relationships among NVC practitioners.

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