Here is my March E-news. I hope you are finding time to enjoy the green Spring hills.
Warmly,
Terry LePage
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In this issue:
Communication Tip :Expressing Giraffe Appreciation
Parenting Tip: Obedience or cooperation?
New Article: Nonviolent Communication for Social change Work
Upcoming Events
Communication Tip: Expressing Giraffe Appreciation
I enjoy using Giraffe language to express appreciation, so that people know how they have contributed to making my life more wonderful. I enjoy getting appreciation too, because I treasure knowing when something I have done has made a difference. Sometimes when I preach, people tell me, "Good sermon!" That's not appreciation, it's praise. Something about the sermon probably met their needs, but I have no idea what. I like to get information: what did I say that they liked? How did it contribute to their life? Then I have feedback to help me preach effectively in the future, and I have a precious connection with them from learning something meaningful to them.
When you want to offer appreciation, I invite you to move beyond the typical, "Great job!" and consider how the person's actions have made a difference for you-- met your needs. Let them hear the details. "I'm so glad (feeling) you invited me to your party. I had so much fun connecting with your work friend about politics." Or, " I enjoyed watching you practice Aikido. The movements look so graceful, and I was excited seeing your power when you flipped your opponent."
Parenting Tip: Obedience or cooperation?
When parents say they want cooperation from their children, the kind of cooperation they want is often one-sided. In other words, they want obedience. Demanding obedience can be a convenient strategy in the short run to get a child to do what we want. Ask yourself, however: why do you want your child to do what you want? Out of fear of punishment or hope of reward? Because they believe they have no choice but to obey external authorities? Or because they want to do what meets their needs and contributes to others' well-being? This last option is the goal of parenting: that our children become adults who make caring and healthy decisions. In the long run, we want partnership, not obedience.
How can we as parents invite more true cooperation and make fewer demands of obedience? We can be creative about giving children real choices, and live with the choices they make. That might mean negotiating an agreement, and deciding together how we will help each other keep the agreement. We can structure their environment to make it easy to cooperate. That might mean making a game out of a dull task, telling a dramatic story about a frustrating challenge, or removing distractions from a work area. We can tell them our feelings and needs behind our request (or our demand) so they know how they can contribute to our well-being. And we can listen to their feelings, needs and requests, and cooperate with them sometimes too!
New Article on the Open Door Website:
Nonviolent Communication for Social Change Work
Upcoming Events
In Los Angeles: March 7, 8 & 9, Kelly Bryson: Friday March 7, 7:30 pm: Intro to Nonviolent Communication (free- love offering); Saturday March 8, 10-6: Being Me and Loving You; Sunday March 9, 2:30-3:30 pm: Don't Be Nice, Be Real. At the Agape International Spiritual Center (5700 Buckingham Parkway, Culver City.) To pre-register, call 310-348-1250. For more details, see: www.languageofcompassion.com/ (Click to events page).
In Pasadena: The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, Sat. March 8, 9-5. How to Enjoy Anger and connect with its life-serving purpose: Saturday March 22, 9-5. Sliding fee. Pre-registration requested. Led by Rodger Sorrow and Kathi Aichner; meeting at the Church of Truth. For more information see www.communicationfromtheheart.com.
In Santa Barbara: International Intensive Training with Marshall Rosenberg and other trainers, April 7-16. For details see www.santabarbaraiit.com.
Marshall Rosenberg FREE in Santa Barbara: Compassionate Communication. Saturday April 5, 9:30-4:30 and Sunday April 6, 12:30-4:30 at Wake Center, 300 N. Turnpike Rd. Come early to get a seat.
In Irvine: New Connect with Respect parenting classes start in April. If you are interested, call me at 949-400-3379, or email me.
In Long Beach (ongoing): Nonviolent Communication Practice Group: This ongoing practice group meets second and fourth Wednesdays, 7-9 pm. Quiet meditation for gathering starts at 6:30. Donation basis. If you are interested, contact Bob Kalayjian at 562-754-5334 or email Bob.
Your beliefs are in jeopardy only when you don’t know what they are.
- Jay Allison, editor of This I Believe on NPR
Terry LePage
Open Door Communication
info@opendoorcommunication.org
www.OpenDoorCommunication.org
949-400-3379
Mission of Open Door Communication
To share Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and related life-serving tools with people from all walks of life in Southern California by:
Offering NVC workshops, mediation, and coaching.
Establishing practice groups and mentoring NVC resource people to multiply impact.
Facilitating supportive relationships among NVC practitioners.To subscribe to Open Door E-News, click here.
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