Here is my April E-news. As people get busier this time of year, I am offering some short workshops and drop-in classes. Please let me know how else I can assist you.

Warmly,
Terry LePage
terry@opendoorcommunication.org
www.OpenDoorCommunication.org
949-400-3379

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April E-News

In this issue:
Communication Tip: Connecting across Cultures: Requests and "No"
Parenting Tip: What's Going on Here? Parents as Compassionate Detectives
Upcoming Events: New Nonviolent Communication Workshops and Parenting Classes

Communication Tip: Connecting across Cultures: Requests and "No"
In "low context" cultures (many Euro-American settings, for example), people often ask for what they want directly. If the hearer does not want to fulfil the request, they may just say "no" directly, to meet needs for clarity. In "high context" cultures (many Asian settings, for example), people are attentive to subtle or indirect requests. Those making requests do not want to put the hearer in the position of having to say "yes" or "no" directly, in order to meet needs for harmony and respect. When a person from a "high-context" culture makes a subtle request of a person from a "low-context" culture, that request is often overlooked. When a person from a "low-context" culture makes a direct request of a person from a "high-context" culture, it often is experienced as a demand, because saying "no" may not seem respectful to the hearer.

Nonviolent Communication offers opportunities to people from both kinds of cultures. For people from "high-context" cultures, NVC offers a way to make direct requests while still offering respect and choice to the listener. It offers a way to gently and respectfully say "no." For people from "low-context" cultures like myself, NVC invites us to make requests in a way that assures choice for the hearer, and to be attentive to other peoples' needs and requests, spoken or unspoken. For everyone, NVC invites us to assume good intentions in the midst of cultural confusion, to seek empathic understanding, and to appreciate the needs behind different cultural expectations.

Parenting Tip: What's Going on Here? Parents as Compassionate Detectives
When children behave in ways we don't enjoy, they need support and guidance, not judgment. Our first task as parents (after calming ourselves) is some detective work. Observe: what is the child actually doing, besides pushing our buttons? Empathize: what feeling or need might she be expressing by doing it? The well-equipped parent detective uses the following clues:

* Child development stages and the particular needs and limitations associated with them. If what they are doing is typical for their age, how can you help them act in a way that works for everyone?
* A child's temperament and typical responses to situations. Some children feel overwhelmed looking at goodies in the grocery store, and act accordingly. Some need predictability, and react strongly to surprises. Many children get frustrated or overstimulated after a day of school, and need to unwind or release their pent-up feelings one way or another.
* What is going on (in the child's life or the family environment) that might provoke anxiety or frustration? Are we as parents feeling angry, anxious or hurt? You can count on your child to mirror those emotions one way or another.

The parent detective will take a deep breath when frustation strikes, and begin looking for clues.The search for clues will help you parent consciously. The clues themselves will help you understand what the world feels like from your child's point of view. Find ways to ask your child what is going on for her. (This usually works best after everyone has calmed down.) When we understand the needs behind childrens' behavior, we can begin to develop solutions that respect the child and teach them caring by example.

Upcoming Open Door Events with Terry

Don't see a practice group or workshop in your town? Gather a half dozen friends and invite me!
Register by phone at 949-400-3379 or email.

Events with Other Trainers

In Newport Beach: Nonviolent Communication Practice Groups, 6 weeks. Wednesday evenings starting April 16, Thursday evenings and Thursday noon starting April 17. Led by Ellen Shiro, MFT:  see www.ellenshiro.com.  Call her at 949-642-7889.

In Pasadena: The Basics of Nonviolent Communication, Sat. May 3, 9-5. Sliding fee. Pre-registration requested. Led by Rodger Sorrow and Kathi Aichner; meeting at the Church of Truth. For more information see www.communicationfromtheheart.com.

In Santa Barbara: International Intensive Training with Marshall Rosenberg and other trainers, April 7-16. For details see www.santabarbaraiit.com.

Marshall Rosenberg FREE in Santa Barbara: Compassionate Communication. Saturday April 5, 9:30-4:30 and Sunday April 6, 12:30-4:30 at Wake Center, 300 N. Turnpike Rd. Come early to get a seat.

In Long Beach (ongoing): Nonviolent Communication Practice Group: This ongoing practice group meets second and fourth Wednesdays, 7-9 pm. Quiet meditation for gathering starts at 6:30. Donation basis. If you are interested, contact Bob Kalayjian at 562-754-5334 or email Bob.

It's not differences that divide us. It's our judgments about each other that do.
- Margaret J. Wheatley

Terry LePage
Open Door Communication
terry@opendoorcommunication.org
www.OpenDoorCommunication.org
949-400-3379

Mission of Open Door Communication
To share Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and related life-serving tools with people from all walks of life in Southern California by:

Offering NVC workshops, mediation, and coaching.
Establishing practice groups and mentoring NVC resource people to multiply impact.
Facilitating supportive relationships among NVC practitioners.

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