February 2010 E-News Topics
Communication Tip: A Need, by Any Other Name...
Parenting Tip: Breathe! Space for Caring
Nonviolent Communication and Childraising Events

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Communication Tip: A Need, by Any Other Name...
In Nonviolent Communication we talk about an awareness of our basic human needs as keys to creating connection and giving from the heart. Yet the word "need" sometimes triggers painful reactions. "I need..." may be heard by some people as a demand. (It will for sure if you forget to offer a doable request after you state your need.) While I treasure my "Needs sheets" and carry them with me everywhere, I find that I seldom use the word "need" in speech outside NVC training and empathy sessions. "I value..." "I sure could use some..." "I just want..." "I want to offer you..." "I love it when I have..." After all, if the person you're talking with is not familiar or comfortable with NVC, the word "need" holds no special value to them. Marshall Rosenberg calls needs, "life's energy seeking expression." A need by any other name is just as beautiful.

Parenting Tip: Breathe! Space for Caring
This week I re-read an inspirational book about the power of love and empathy to heal children with severe behaviors, often resulting from severe neglect or trauma. The authors wrote vivid scenarios of what parents did, and could do, when they discover hair-raising behavior by their kids. In every case, their advice began: Breathe! And then: sit down next to your child and tell them you love them no matter what they do, and you understand their behavior comes from being afraid, and you want to help. I was deeply touched, and mourned, remembering stories of people whose parents did not know how to show them unconditional love when they were acting out of their pain or fear. And I am so grateful I have learned how to breathe and make that space for myself and my son. The book is Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control, by Heather T. Forbes and B. Bryan Post.

Upcoming Events: Nonviolent Communication and Nonviolent Parenting Events and Classes
with Terry and by other trainers. Request an event in your area for you and your friends!

In Santa Ana: Connecting Communication-starts this Saturday! Free NVC practice group (for those who have had at least a brief intro to NVC) led by David Esch at The Center Orange County, Six saturdays starting 2/13, 9:30-11:00. To sign up, call David at (714) 241-1811.

**In Irvine (UCI): An Evening with Ruth Beaglehole. **Download the flyer at http://tinyurl.com/yffpqfo**
Ruth is a visionary educator in Nonviolent Childraising, and founding Director of the Center for Nonviolent Education and Parenting. Free. Join us for an evening of inspiration and empowerment. Ruth’s big heart and her deep feelings for children and parents have made CNVEP the thriving organization that it is today. She will share her compelling vision of changing the world by changing how we parent. Tuesday February 16, 6:30-8:30. A light meal will be served. Please call 949-400-3379 or email Terry so we know how much food to prepare. Invite your friends, family, teachers and babysitters! This is also an opportunity to network with other people who care about compassionate parenting, explore dates and locations for home-based Nonviolent Parenting classes and support groups in Orange County, and help envision a satellite Center for Nonviolent Education and Parenting in central Orange County. Let us know if you want to support this project but can't make this event.

In Irvine (UCI): CNVEP's Nonviolent Parenting.
A 6 week interactive class through the Center for Nonviolent Education and Parenting, led by Terry. Six Wednesdays 7-9pm, starting February 24 on the UCI campus. Call Azucena at 213.484.6676 x.311 to register. Couples discount. These classes support CNVEP's outreach and low-income family education. If cost is a barrier, please contact Terry; nobody will be turned away for lack of funds. Questions? Call 949-400-3379 or email Terry.

In Irvine: NVC topics: your choice After we get rolling with a few intro session, I will be ready to offer evening NVC classes on topics of interest. Which topics would YOU like to see? Floor cards? Colloquial Giraffe speech? NVC for helping professionals? Your Brain on Empathy? Role plays? Let me know which weeknights you are available and what excites you. Call 949-400-3379 or email Terry.

In Irvine and Newport Beach: NVC Coaching. When a certain relationship is stimulating frustration, a one-on-one NVC session can bring relief, "aha," and hope. I do NVC coaching, and the first 25 minutes are free. Call 949-400-3379. Ellen Shiro, MFT, is also offering coachin, 949-293-3890. We have very different styles...so choose what works for you.

In Malibu and Santa Monica: Creating Extraordinary Relationships, Feb 20, Sat, 9 AM - 4 PM, Malibu, and Mar 20, Sat, 9 AM - 4 PM, Santa Monica. This workshop provides an opportunity to infuse your relationship with fresh insights, practical skills, improved communication, deeper commitment and understanding, passion and attraction. Co-led by and Anne Walton. Sliding scale fee: $75 - $125 per person. Register at http://chooseconnection.com/registration

In Santa Barbara: FREE NVC converence May 15-16. Participants include certified Trainers Raj Gill from British Columbia, Jori and Jim Manske from Albuquerque, and Kathleen Macferran from Seattle. They will share the developments in using NVC in a variety of settings; from personal life and relationships to business, education, justice and government. . They will join local Certified NVC Trainers Liz Otterbein, Anne Walton, and other facilitators for breakout sessions. If you have already attended an NVC event or class, you will know that this is a rare opportunity to dramatically expand and deepen your knowledge and skills. If you are not familiar with NVC but would like to express yourself more fully and easily, be sure to attend this event and discover the power of communicating compassionately. Register online at www.sbcc.edu/AdultEd on or after Mar 29, 2010. Moderator: Rodger Sorrow, Certified Trainer with CNVC.Saturday and Sunday, May 15 & 16, 2010 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., respectively Thornton Auditorium, Wake Center - 300 N. Turnpike Rd., Santa Barbara. CEUs RN/LVN, CNA, MFT/LCSW contact hours: 12, cost $48 (must attend both days) For lots more information visit www.ChooseConnection.com/NVC-Conference or email Becky Saffold, saffold@sbcc.edu, about registration.

Check the CNVEP website for other Nonviolent Childraising classes for parents, caregivers, and professionals.

If we want a culture based on caring and meaning, we have to envision it and begin building it ourselves.
-Philip Greven

Terry LePage
Open Door Communication
terry@opendoorcommunication.org
www.OpenDoorCommunication.org
949-400-3379

Mission of Open Door Communication
To share Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and related life-serving tools with people from all walks of life in Southern California by:

Offering NVC workshops, mediation, and coaching.
Establishing practice groups and mentoring NVC resource people to multiply impact.
Facilitating supportive relationships among NVC practitioners.

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