March 2010 E-News Topics
Communication Tip: Doable Requests: You Can't Change the Past
Parenting Tip: Kids as Creative Problem Solvers
Communication and Parenting Events and Classes

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Communication Tip: Doable Requests: You Can't Change the Past
Every communication contains an implied request. In Nonviolent Communication, we state our request explicitly and connect it to the need that will be met if someone agrees to do as we ask. And we make sure our request is doable. Nobody ever succeeded in changing the past. Phrases like, "Why did you do that?" and "I wish you hadn't..." almost always spark feelings of acute discomfort in people to whom they are addressed. They may masquerade as respectful language, but the implied conclusion of someone who hears them is that it is impossible to give you what you want. Help your hearer out by making a request in the present, for the present or future, that is doable. "The copier is almost out of toner, and there are no spares. (observation) " My first thought is, "Why didn't you keep a spare?" Instead, I say, "I'm frustrated (feeling) because I want the ease (need) of knowing I we won't be running out to Kinko's this week. Would you be willing to make a plan with me for keeping the toner stocked in the future? (request) ".

Parenting Tip: Kids as Creative Problem Solvers
I am frequenty asked at what age kids can help create solutions to get everybody's needs met. This age is variable depending on the verbal skill and interest of the child. With coaching and modeling, children age 3 or 4 will often enjoy participating in solving problems of how to live together respectfully. Most teens need the practice of making important decisions to structure their lives while a parent is still around to coach them. Creative problem solving: what a fabulous life skill to give our children! Some adults are alarmed hearing that we would give children this authority– to help create respectful solutions to struggles over bedtime or homework. Sadly, many adults cannot figure out how to overcome everyday conflicts without force, demands, blame or shame, and our society pays the price. I want children to know that they have the power to make a difference, and that they have ideas worth hearing. Maybe someday our children will solve global problems we adults cannot.

Upcoming Events: Communication and Parenting Events and Classes
with Terry and by other trainers. Request an event in your area for you and your friends!

In Laguna Beach: Introduction to Compassionate Communication 6-Week Series.
Beginning this Thursday March 4, 2010 for 6 consecutive Thursdays, 6:30-8:00 p.m. Led by Karen O'Connell, M.S. Bring your real life relationship issues to this interactive class and learn ways to communicate with others that will support you in being heard and understood. Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication is both a philosophy and a set of practical tools that inspire compassion and cooperation. Rate requested $150. See www.karenoconnell.com for more information or call Karen at 949-683-5683.

In Irvine (UCI): CNVEP Parenting Class 6-week series. **Download Flyer**
A 6 week interactive class through the Center for Nonviolent Education and Parenting, led by Terry LePage, CNVEP-certified parent educator. Learn principles and practices to help you parent your values. Topics include parenting for cooperation, empathy,brain and child development, understanding behavior, limit setting, anger, self-care, and emotional intelligence. Six Tuesday Mornings 9:30-11:30 am, starting March 16 on the UCI campus (through April 27; March 30 off.) Request $150, $100 for second family caregiver, or what your family can afford. To register or for more info call 949-400-3379 or email Terry.

In Irvine (UCI): CNVEP-OC Supporters and Advocates Meeting
People who want to support the Nonviolent Childraising philosophy in Orange County are gathering. We will plan and share resources to establish an ongoing CNVEP presence here. Sunday April 7, 4-5 pm at Terry's home on the UCI campus, 52 Whitman Ct. RSVP appreciated: 949-400-3379 or email Terry.

In Santa Monica: Creating Extraordinary Relationships, Mar. 20 Sat, 9 AM - 4 PM, Santa Monica. This workshop provides an opportunity to infuse your relationship with fresh insights, practical skills, improved communication, deeper commitment and understanding, passion and attraction. Co-led by and Anne Walton. Sliding scale fee: $75 - $125 per person. Register at http://chooseconnection.com/registration

In Santa Barbara: FREE NVC Conference May 15-16. Participants include certified Trainers Raj Gill from British Columbia, Jori and Jim Manske from Albuquerque, and Kathleen Macferran from Seattle. They will share the developments in using NVC in a variety of settings; from personal life and relationships to business, education, justice and government. . They will join local Certified NVC Trainers Liz Otterbein, Anne Walton, and other facilitators for breakout sessions. If you have already attended an NVC event or class, you will know that this is a rare opportunity to dramatically expand and deepen your knowledge and skills. If you are not familiar with NVC but would like to express yourself more fully and easily, be sure to attend this event and discover the power of communicating compassionately. Register online at www.sbcc.edu/AdultEd on or after Mar 29, 2010. Moderator: Rodger Sorrow, Certified Trainer with CNVC. Saturday and Sunday, May 15 & 16, 2010 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., respectively Thornton Auditorium, Wake Center - 300 N. Turnpike Rd., Santa Barbara. CEUs RN/LVN, CNA, MFT/LCSW contact hours: 12, cost $48 (must attend both days) For lots more information visit www.ChooseConnection.com/NVC-Conference or email Becky Saffold, saffold@sbcc.edu, about registration.

Check the CNVEP website for upcoming events in L.A. including Classroom management through Connection and Compassion March 20 and 27, Fathers Retreat March 21, Weekend Parenting Intensive April 18-19.

We are all dangerous, till our fears grow thoughtful.
-John Ciardi

Terry LePage
Open Door Communication
terry@opendoorcommunication.org
www.OpenDoorCommunication.org
949-400-3379

Mission of Open Door Communication
To share Nonviolent Communication (NVC) and related life-serving tools with people from all walks of life in Southern California by:

Offering NVC workshops, mediation, and coaching.
Establishing practice groups and mentoring NVC resource people to multiply impact.
Facilitating supportive relationships among NVC practitioners.

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