Upcoming Events

In Irvine: Compassionate Communication every Thursday 7-9pm. Drop-ins welcome. A short topic each week, then we apply a variety of tools (floor cards, role plays, dialogs and more) to real life situations. You can download the flyer here. Led by Terry LePage at the Center for Living Peace, 4139 Campus Drive, across from UCI, between Lee's and Focus Dance. Request $15 or what you can contribute. Register at the door.
2/2 - Self-Empathy instead of Self-Criticism
2/9 - Honesty BEFORE things get tense
2/16 - Empathy for "difficult" people
2/23 - Feelings, Your Brain, and Compassionate Communication
3/1 - Participant-led practice group
3/8 -Breaking Through Assumptions and Cultural Stereotypes
For more information call 949-400-3379 or email Terry.

In Mission Viejo: A weekly drop-in Nonviolent Communication practice group, Tuesdays from 7 to 9 PM, facilitated by James Prieto. Email James or call (949) 581-4758.

In Long Beach: Practice Group with CNVC certified trainer Mary Mackenzie meets Wednesday evenings 6-8pm, 2/8, 2/22, 3/7, 3/21)8, Oct. 12,26 . Email Mary to attend.

In Newport Beach: Nonviolent Communication Classes facilitated by Ellen Shiro, MFT on Thursday evenings. Call for more info, 949-293-3890.

In Irvine: Parenting Classes are being scheduled. Let me know if you are interested and we will try to accomodate your schedule!

Parenting Classes around Southern California including weeknights, and Saturdays,in Spanish and English, are available from Echo Parenting and Education.

Workshops and Groups in Santa Monica and Santa Barbara with Rodger Sorrow and Anne Walton: see www.chooseconnection.com/

Other resources: NVC Academy has a wide variety of NVC telecourses and audio & video recordings of past courses. NVC World has links to NVC resources of all types.

Compassionate Communication and Parenting Tips

Communication Tip: Doable Requests are Compassionate! Every statement you make carries with it a request, spoken or implied. In everyday conversation, requests are mostly implied, which leaves the other party guessing. Do you want them to understand and acknowledge what you're telling them? To offer ideas? To do something? If so, what?

Equipping your statement with a doable (specific, in th present) request is compassionate because it allows the other person to help you in a way that is actually helpful. "I am so upset over my situation at work. I really need to talk through things. Are you OK with just listening for about ten minutes? You don't have to offer solutions– I just need some empathy."

"But shouldn't they already know what I want?" They usually don't. In fact, we often don't know what we want either! Crafting a specific, doable request is often the most challenging part of compassionate communication, and the most gratefully received.

Parenting Tip: Parenting Differently- Part One
Perhaps you had a vision of how you would act as a parent. You were sure you were going to parent differently from the way you were parented, or saw kids in your neighborhood parented. You were not going to yell, nag, threaten, hit, bribe, cold-shoulder, shame or belittle. Now you are in the middle of that very challenging job that few of us come equipped to do, and where did those good intentions go?

You are not alone. The INTENTION to parent differently is huge. But the patterns you grew up with are deeply ingrained. Parenting differently requires a long-term commitment, skill-building, and support. Don't lose hope! Small changes over time can make a big difference.

A bewildering variety of parenting books and classes are available. Beware of those which are formulaic, or which concentrate on "getting good behavior" instead of understanding what motivates behavior and what makes quality relationships. Find other parents who share your philosophy and with whom you can share your struggles. And if you can, join parenting classes at the Echo Center in L.A. or with Terry!

Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.
-G. K. Chesterton